Flushed

My biggest fear, besides clowns, is a dirty bathroom. When I encounter a bathroom that smells and is filthy beyond belief, I am on the verge of tears. Not because of the horrid state of the bathroom, because of the fact I have to ‘go’ and there is no where else to ‘go’ to.

I remember a parent who complained to me about the comfort rooms of a school down north. The comfort rooms did not only reek but they were dirty with grime, mud and, well, the unmentionables – if you get my drift.

It’s enough to make anybody hold it in for another hour or so.

He complained that his son and the other students would not go to the bathroom because of the stench and the dirt. He blames the school for not keeping the bathroom clean.

As I think about it, both are to be blamed – the students and the school.

Sure, it’s the school that is obliged to provide clean facilities, especially an immaculately clean bathroom. After all, it’s all about hygiene. If I were a parent, the last thing I would do was to enroll my child in a school which had a bathroom that equals to a sewer.

But then again, aren’t kids these days taught of hygiene? If so, kids should know how to flush after, well, doing it. How physically demanding is it to push the silver button or pick up the pail and flush whatever is floating around in the toilet?

This reminds me of an instance when I was still in grade school. I refused to go to the bathroom because I did not like the bathrooms at school. Not to say that they were dirty, but because they were new to me. I grew up with toilets that would flush – you push the button and everything goes down the toilet. The concept of dumping water into the toilet bowl was new to me.

In the end, I nearly got kidney stones because of my stubbornness.

I’m the most picky when it comes to bathrooms. If the bathroom is dirty, the last thing I want to do is use it – no matter how badly I need to go. Most of the bathrooms I have encountered smell to high heavens and are dirty beyond belief. This does not only go for schools, but also for malls, restaurants, and doctors’ clinics and hospitals.

Why most of us don’t bother taking better care of our bathrooms is beyond me. For crying out loud, you take a bath there, brush your teeth, do your ‘business’ there and freshen up there.

Why on earth people tolerate bathrooms that are smelly and dirty does not seem logical to me. Perhaps their sense of smell must have burned out. The toxic smell of the toilets must have busted their senses.

If people these days are really that lazy of flushing and cleaning the bathroom, there is only one simple solution. Get a toilet that flushes on its own – and for sure, your problems will go down the drain, so to speak.

Fun

“I watch plants grow,” I said to my friends when they asked me what I did for fun. All I got were blank stares. I really couldn’t expect more.

Call me weird, but watching vegetation grow is my idea of fun. It’s much better than going to bars, listening to deafening music and getting drunk to the point where your brain stops responding.

I don’t get the point of going to a cramped bar, with too many sleazy people and risk getting stabbed, robbed, drugged or trapped in a fire. If dancing with people you don’t even know on a sticky dance floor and in a smoke filled room is your idea of fun, then so be it. Don’t let me stop you, go on and frolic in the land of bars, bouncers and drunken people.

I have never been a fan of parties. I get uncomfortable with too many people around me, especially in a cramped place with no fire exit or real exits to speak off (unless you count the whole you crawled into).

Socializing has never been my best ability. I’m not, as they put it, a “social butterfly”. Perhaps I’m a moth.

At social gatherings, I crawl into a corner and nibble on hors d’oeuvre. The most meaningful conversation I might hold would be with waiters distributing fermented grape juice and tiny cheese balls on toothpicks.

I have more fun with small groups than with groups of 50 or more. One of the reasons may be because I easily forget the names (and faces) of the 40 other people I meet at gatherings. However, wearing nametags help.

Aside from watching plants grow, counting rain clouds and the cracks on the pavement, I do enjoy going out for karaoke. Then again, who doesn’t love karaoke? Virtually every Filipino loves music, no matter what genre or who the singer is.

I’m a highly incompetent singer. I cannot sing to save my life – but that doesn’t stop me (or any other vocally inept person for that matter) from belting tunes off-key.

We all have our own ideas of fun. Give me a spot on the beach, a good view of the sea (and perhaps, a good view of a beach hunk) and a good book; and for sure I’ll have the time of my life. Where I enjoy the beach and watching plants grow, others go to bars and dance to loud music (and get totally wasted).

It varies from person to person. Don’t mind me as I crawl under the table at social gatherings and talk to the dust bunnies down there. That’s my kind of socialization.

Speaking of fun and having a good time, the ‘Zup crew met up last Wednesday for the section’s anniversary. Everybody had a great time, especially finally putting faces to the names we always see on print. It was all smiles and laughter over ‘grand slam’ pizzas, humongous chocolate chunks and pitchers of iced tea. To another great year!

Eureka

I’m beginning to think that ‘Eureka moments’ are just a scam. I have yet to hear some sane person scream ‘eureka!’ (note exclamation mark) all of the sudden without any rhyme or reason.

Did Einstein shout eureka when he came up with his theory of relativity? Did a light bulb appear conveniently light up above Thomas Alva Edison’s head when he came across electric lighting? Or did something ring up there when Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone?

Come to think of it, I have this sinking feeling that eureka moments are just another government and corporate plot to make us all think really hard (or at the very least, try to think) until something useful pops up. When eventually something does pop up (which we will assume is something really amazing and is of equal standing of Einstein’s e=mc² formula) the thinker actually screams ‘eureka!’ and the government and corporate bigwigs will fly into the room and try to buy off the idea.

But, this has yet to happen, so this thus far is another add-on to my list of assumed reasons and speculations of things unexplained (which are of farfetched-nature-yet-so-farfetched-that-they-might-strangely-be-true).

The only time I actually heard somebody shout ‘eureka!’ (with exclamation mark and matching hand gesture of pointing up at the ceiling and jumping out of his seat) was on television. It was a character from the show ‘Angel’ (a show about an extremely good-looking vampire with a soul ironically named Angel) and he was English, so perhaps that explained the ‘eureka!’ exclamation.

But, wouldn’t it great if people actually did go around shouting ‘eureka!’ whenever some idea pops into their heads? Ideas don’t have to be groundbreaking, or world-changing, for all we know, they might be the answers to last year’s tough physics question over which you have been mulling over for months.

I have yet to shout ‘eureka!’ though – not because I am short of brilliant ideas (I’m a self-proclaimed genius, though I know others beg to differ) – but because I kept forgetting the word existed (to me, it’s archaic).

I hit my head against the window of a tour bus bound for a posh hotel. It hurt pretty badly and I was sure it left a painful lump. However, somewhere while my head connected with the Plexiglas and the pain registered in my brain, I believe I had an idea forming in my already muddled mind (something to do with our thesis and my article assignment for class). In the end, I forgot the so-called brilliant ideas and shouting ‘eureka!’, all that came out of my mouth was: “Ouch”.

Sinulog '07

Last week’s Association of Southeast Asian Nations (ASEAN) summit has been exciting and the talk of the town for several months, and now with that finally behind us, we eagerly await yet another big activity that we have come to know and love every year: Sinulog.

Sinulog is definitely in the air. One can practically hear the familiar beat of the Sinulog in the air, reverberating all around. And you bet, as the day draws nearer, the beat just gets louder beckoning you join in on the fun.

With Sinulog 2007’s official kick off last January 12, one can be assured that every day and night until the Sinulog Grand Parade on the 21^st will be fun filled and totally worth remembering.

Cultural Shows, street parties, firework displays, the grand parade these, are just of the few things one can enjoy during Sinulog. But hey, it’s not only these events that make Sinulog extra special, there are a lot of other things one can do during Sinulog which are worth remembering and sharing to your friends once classes resume.

Walk great distances. As if partying and dancing is not enough for your feet, you have to walk great distances during Sinulog. Imagine walking the entire carousel route, now that would be something worth bragging about. Nothing’s better than walking the route at night, after the grand parade because you’ll just end up anywhere where the beat of the music takes you in search for a party and good time.

Food consumption a.k.a. the Pit stops. While walking for great distances, it can’t be denied that your body would need nourishment. It’ll be easy for you to find stalls selling great tasting food that would fill your stomach and keep you going at very affordable prices.

Photo Opportunities. While walking the entire carousel lane, be sure to take lots of pictures. It’s not everyday you would find people dancing on the streets, floats gliding down the road and higantes and puppets slowly walking down the streets.

The hennas, the t-shirts and the hankies. Buy souvenirs. It’s a must to buy a souvenir every year. Get yourself a shirt and a henna tattoo, after all, Sinulog 2007 only happens once a year and what better way to remember such memorable year than by buying a remembrance and keeping it forever.

Remember that Sinulog is all about having fun and letting loose. It’s the most awaited event of the year and just keeps on getting better and better. Get your walking shoes ready, prepare your camera and pack a lot of water because you’ll need it. Sinulog 2007 is definitely here and it’s time to have some fun. I’ll see you on the streets!

New Year

With a colorful display of fireworks, we ring in the year 2007 with, hopefully, all limbs still attached to our body.

New Year’s traditions fascinate me, since there is nothing more life threatening than New Year’s Day (not because of the yearly rumors of the world ending at exactly 12 midnight) and the ceremonious lighting of manipulated explosives that could spontaneously combust right in your face.

Yes, this is what makes New Year’s extra special: putting your limbs on the line for the age-old tradition of watching pretty lights in the sky for 5 seconds.

I have never been fond of fireworks. When I was around 7-years-old, a roman candle blew up centimeters from my face, temporarily blinding me. From that moment on, I knew I had enough with pyrotechnics (in any kind or form).

It’s beyond me why people bother spending so much on something that has a lifespan of 30 seconds (more than a minute, for those really expensive and really humongous firecrackers). After a few ‘kaboom’s and a pretty light show, one’s money will be literally reduced to ashes.

With the thousands of pesos some people spend on fireworks, I’d be much better they would spend the money on something that actually lasts longer than 30 seconds.

Wouldn’t it be a more meaningful New Year if you donate to a charity or give to the poor? Come to think of it, it wouldn’t hurt one bit, unless of course you are a masochist and enjoy pain and would love to have your fingers amputated.

The thought of buying more food isn’t such a bad idea either. Instead of incinerating your money and losing your body parts, stuff yourself with mountains of food. Sure, you are worried about the holiday weight you might be gaining, but think of it this way, it’s better to gain weight than to lose an arm.

I know that this advice is pretty much useless right now, since obviously it is well past midnight. For sure, hundreds of people have bought fireworks and have lost a finger here and there.

In that case, consider this column as an advisory for next year. One cannot be too prepared for New Year’s Day (2008 would be so much better if one still had all 10 fingers in tact, right?).

With 10 fingers or without 10 fingers (or other limbs for that matter), we have a lot to be thankful for (aside of still having all body parts in tact). Apart from blowing up things, we should take time and reflect on the year that was.

Nothing is better than remembering all the mistakes, ups and downs, bloopers and funny moments you had in 2006 and wondering how your life will be this year.

Happy New Year everyone!

‘Xed’-mas List

With Christmas just around the corner, I can already see last minute shoppers. And with last minute shoppers, come last minute gifts a.k.a. gifts-that-took-me-no-more-than-3-minutes-to-pick-out-for-you.

I have prepared a list of gifts that one should avoid during last minute shopping. This list shall serve as a guide to shoppers to spare their victims, er, gift recipients from the agony of smiling and lying that the gift they just received is the best thing in the whole wide universe.

Underwear. One can never have too many undergarments. But once you give someone the same pair for the 3rd time around, then we all know that you really haven’t put any thought into the whole gift giving business.

Socks. I’m not complaining about socks, since socks are a good thing. Like underwear, one can not have too many socks. But consider this, if you give your friend a pair of socks for the nth time this year (meaning, you gave him a pair on his birthday, during Easter and on some other occasion), then you might seriously reconsider not giving him another pair.

Soap. Unless your soap bar comes from outer space and has been used by Neil Armstrong, I highly doubt that anybody would be elated to receive a bar of soap from you.

Shampoo. Bottled shampoo is okay, especially if it is exotic and has a weird name. But if the shampoo comes in sachets and still has a price tag on it, it only means one thing: ‘You stink, you need a bath. Now.’

Sanitary Napkins. Yes, I have received these wondrous liquid catching contraptions on several occasions. No, I do not complain when I get these, since after all they are really handy when that time of the month comes. But giving these things to somebody of the opposite sex (who obviously has no idea what to make of these) is something I do not recommend – therefore, check if you got the names right on the gift boxes.

Self-help books. Unless the book magically improves one’s life right after reading, I highly doubt self-help books are an entertaining read (unless of course, self-help books have become action-adventure books with magic wand wielding boys). It’s Christmas, everybody is getting fatter and loading up on those calories, the last thing one wants to read is how being overweight is another ‘burden’ in one’s life that needs to be fixed right now.

So there you have it, gifts that are highly useful yet as dull as an unsharpened pencil (duh). Yet if you still receive gifts like these, don’t be bothered. Sure, they aren’t as supercalifragilisticexpialidocious as you wanted them to be, but it’s the thought that counts – it’s Christmas after all.

Here’s my secret that gets me through every Christmas when I receive these gifts, I think of one thing and all will be merry: Johnny Depp in a Santa suit – need I say more?

Postponed

It’s amazing how fast things can change in a matter of minutes. One moment the sun was shining and everything’s hunky-dory, and the next thing you know it’s already pouring cats and dogs (and other animals if you wish).

At one moment of our short-lived vacation, we imagined ourselves at home (or at the beach), away from school, enjoying our free time and not worry about exams, projects or assignments, while Heads of States would tackle more serious matters on political, social and economic development.

Yet all our musings (as well as the planned meetings) went down the proverbial drain as soon as tropical storm Seniang made itself known to the world.

So it’s back to reality for all of us.

This means, it’s back to school, back to work and back to our daily activities.

Oh well, the thought of having a break from school was fun while it lasted. Now, instead of finding ourselves on a deserted island far from civilization, we find ourselves behind our textbooks and computers once again, in that same old, stuffy classroom or workplace.

It’s hard to imagine, that the once bustling Cebu International Convention Center (CICC), which was bustling with life with foreign and local media, will now lay dormant and shall now wait for its reawakening this January.

It’s quite unfortunate that the 12^th Association of Southeast Asian Nations (ASEAN) Summit has been postponed – not that because we are all looking forward to that much needed 4-day break – but because of all the preparations that have been made.

The labor force who worked tirelessly day and night for the completion of the CICC, are now probably eating their hardhats after the news passed of the postponement of the summit. Personally, these people should also be recognized and commended for a job well-done for building a convention center in a matter of months (which is quite a difficult feat).

The Christmas décor, which are scattered all throughout the cities of Mandaue, Lapu-lapu and Cebu, now has to be replaced by new décor come this January – unless of course we’ll celebrate Christmas in January, which is fine by me (it gives me more time to do my Christmas shopping).

It’s quite sad really, since everybody has been preparing for the summit for months and now we all have to wait for next year for the summit to resume. But then again, there is really nothing much we can do, after all, we are talking of a natural phenomenon here which has caused the postponement of the summit.

Now is probably the best time to be blessed with godly powers and do the most logical thing with them (aside from wishing for world peace): have the summit this week and postpone the storm until further notice.