At the movies

I felt like choking on my popcorn as I looked at the posters of the upcoming movies. I never liked romantic comedies, especially if the plot was mind-numbing and causes brain damage.

The much overused, abused and misused plots of Hollywood movies cause me nosebleeds. And before Hilary Duff can say “Like, oh my god!” I have already slipped into a permanent coma.

Today’s romance movies are never romantic, especially if it involves one character standing in the rain and proclaiming his love for somebody. When I have the misfortune of watching these hapless characters on screen the only thing I want to do is throw a bottle of beer at the aforementioned hapless standing-in-the-rain character and scream at him/her to find somebody else.

Dude, what’s the point of standing for hours in the rain, risking pneumonia and even death just for some girl? Grow a backbone, suck it up and be a man. Nobody likes a sniveling guy in the rain, no matter how much you pull the puppy-that-got-kicked-into-the-rain look. Besides, that’s not even cute, that’s pathetic.

These plotlines make me want to kill myself. Usually, my IQ drops and I begin to drool. Before the movie ends, nothing makes sense anymore and the words I hear are gibberish. When characters kiss on screen, I roll my eyes. That’s when I grab a fork and am about to stab myself.

I don’t get it why other people get giddy when they see these scenes on screen. I find it retarded when people actually have the audacity to catcall and hoot. That’s stupid. The characters can’t hear your hooting, so what’s the point? It only proves you’re not quite right in the head (there is something wrong with you psychologically – you can’t separate reality from fiction).

It’s quite sad that people nowadays would rather spend money on IQ dropping, coma inducing and death threatening movies than watch films with substance. Are films with substance too much for today’s moviegoer? I hate to think that the brains of today’s moviegoers are too small to process mentally stimulating films.

Thank god for the occasional independent films that have come our way. Recently, we’ve had quite a lot of indie films that have been released publicly. Jeffrey Jeturian’s Kubrador and Director’s name Sarong Banggi are two of the recent movies I have seen and I’m quite happy to say that my IQ increased and I did not slip into a coma.

More people should start watching indie films. Seriously, it doesn’t require you that much thinking power – as long as you are in the right state of mind and are a critical moviegoer (or at least, a tiny bit), then everything’s hunky-dory.

We’ve got excellent homegrown talent, and it would only be right that we give these guys a chance. Oh, and by homegrown talent I mean the talent you find in independent films and not in movies which are named after popular romance songs.